There are three letters that make up a very small word that ask the biggest question in the world, why? Why is the sky blue, why do we get old? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are there such horrible and devastating tragedies in the world? Why does disease and illness run rampant in our lives? Why cancer? Why AIDS? Why stokes, heart attacks? Why do so many people die a senseless death? Why Lindsay? I ask myself that why question all the time. After much thought, ponderance and rationalization the answer has yet to come. I can not answer why she had to leave us, I can not answer why she left the house early that evening. I can not answer why the other person was where they were that day and put them on a collision course with Lindsay. The “why” question has turned into a quest, a journey within itself. Why do we do the things we do that take us down the paths we take. So many why’s and not an answer in sight. Why do I still look up her bedroom window everyday knowing she’s not there. Is it habit, is it wishful thinking, it is just a way to stay connected. The why’s far out weigh the answers. Do we really want to know all the answers to all the why’s. I am going to venture to say no. For some of the answers may bring a truth we would rather live without knowing. Why after a young, vibrant, short life does life have to end.
For sanity sake I have to look past the why, I have to look at the outcome of the why. Lindsay left us because of an accident that was truly no ones fault, she left us due to injuries that no man could repair, she left us because she knew she wanted to save lives. I have to believe that her accident was the truest form of just that, an accident. Did the traffic play a part, did the blind spot hinder Lindsay line of sight, could the other driver had been going slower? Did the first responders do all they could? Did the doctors and nurses use every means necessary to save her. The answers to all these questions is yes. But still the question why burns deep in my heart. Why, why, why did it have to happen?
Why, here’s my why. I have seen the hearts of hardened older men change. I have seen their weathered exterior melt away because of a why. I have heard the words “love y’all” come from their lips and tears fall from their eyes. I have seen a family, a hospital, a community come together for the loss of a beautiful teenage girl. I have seen friendships mended that I honestly believe could not have been mended any other way. I have seen mothers and daughters that have not spoken hold each other and say the words “I love you.” I have seen broken families become whole again. I have seen careers changed, lives changed and hearts changed. I have seen the best come out in people. There have been friendships started that would have never happened. There have been lives saved through the unbridled generosity of this community. I have seen an entire school come together for the love of a lost classmate. There are families that will have their loved ones for years to come because of a “why.” I have seen God’s work through out this entire tragedy, which brings the biggest why of all, why God? Why did you allow this to happen to my baby girl? I have to think about God giving his only Son for the salvation of all, the grief God himself must have felt, but also the triumph of knowing the reasons why his Son had to die. I still want Lindsay here, here with me this weekend to see her cousin walk down the aisle. Here tomorrow, here next month, here for the rest of what life I have left.
My question still and forever will be why? Why did it take the untimely death of my seventeen year old daughter to make changes in so many lives? Why do we wait for tragedy to reveal our love and caring for others? Why does life have to end for others to continue? So many questions that will never be answered until the day I get to ask the only one that knows, why?