It is a fine line we walk as parents who have lost a child, but, are still so blessed, to have children with us. The feeling of a tight rope artist, struggling to hold the balancing pole with equal weight on both ends. Some days, the love for the one you grieve weighs heavy on your heart and pulls you to one side, almost causing you to topple over. While, on that very same day, the love and joy we share with our living child seems to always balance us out. The love and grief for the child lost will never dissipate just like the love and joy for the living child will never dwindle. It seems, there are days, as if the ring master has used his deep bellowing voice to announce your balancing act, and the spotlight of life whirls around landing directly on us. The light blinds our eyes, as does the grief we deal with every day. As we take that first step of faith, blinded with grief, sliding our foot so cautiously out onto the unknown, we feel the pain, the loneliness, and the grief.
Siblings hurt, just as we do. Some feel pain, regret, and guilt that they are here, and their sibling is gone. They possibly feel, if it were them, the parents would not hurt as much. They need to know the hurt would be no different, the grief would not be easier, and the loss would be just as devastating. They have memories, some I am sure, we, as parents know nothing about. They do not need to be reminded when their sister or brother’s birthday was, they do not need to be reminded of the anniversary of their siblings passing. They don’t need to be reminded that this Christmas will be the, ever how many years, since their sibling was here with us. They feel the pain everyday, they know all the special days, they have their own memories, they live everyday with a hole in their heart, just as we do. When we walk that high wire and we feel alone or as if no one else hurts like we do, just turn around, I can almost guarantee you, that sibling will be right behind you, trying to balancing the same grief.