Tag: #lmbf

The Right Thing.

The Right Thing.

by bbenton1064 ♥ 3 Comments

On Friday, October 19th, a very special event happened at Wilmington Christian Academy. It was one of the triumph’s that have come from our tragedy.  One of those days when you feel good again, a day when you know you are doing the right thing. A day when the tears that fall from your eyes meet the corner of a smile because you can literally see the joy in someone else’s heart for what you have done.

This day began more than six months ago when the Lindsay M. Benton Foundation was in the planning stages for it’s annual volleyball tournament at Catp’n Bill’s. Little did we know that on the day we planned the volleyball tournament we would have a very unwanted visitor to the coast of North Carolina the weekend prior, hurricane Florence. What could have been a very bad day turned into a very good day for all the charities the foundation is involved with. We only had 6 teams register for the tournament but we had a very good turn out and everyone there bought raffle tickets, 50/50 tickets, LMBF merchandise and just donated because they felt the need to. This year, the tournament was on Lindsay birthday, September 29th, so we knew in our hearts it was going to be a good day no matter what. One of the charities the foundation supports is “Patriots for Pink.” This is usually a week long fundraiser at Wilmington Christian Academy in which the student body adopts someone that has been diagnosed with breast cancer. For an entire week they raise money for the newly adopted member of the Patriot Nation. The school works along side a wonderful organization, Going Beyond the Pink, created by Joy Wade in 2017. Not only does Going Beyond the Pink financially assist throughout the process of treatment, they are there before to educate women and men, and they are there after the war has been won with continued support. The schools week long fund raiser was spoiled by of course, hurricane Florence. A few of the buildings on campus were no match for Florence’s driving winds and rain and sustained quite a bit of damage.  In true WCA fashion, they did not let this set back stop them from doing what the Patriot Nation does, they persevered, they trusted God and they made it happen. Wilmington Christians week of games, T-shirt sales, theme days and candy sales had been condensed into just one day, just a few hours. This relentless student body and staff set out to do all they could to compress one week into a single soccer game. We were invited to present a donation from the Lindsay M. Benton Foundation at halftime for Patriots for Pink. When we arrived it was a sea of pink. There were pink T-shirts, pink hair, pink faces, and of course the familiar pink ribbons. Soon after we arrived we met with Mrs. Bordeaux, from WCA, and with Joy Wade to discuss how and when we would present the check. As we were talking a very young lady began to walk toward us, with her dog by her side. Joy spoke up and said. “This is Kim J and Alex. She is what today is all about.” As we met Kim and began to hear her story I was amazed at her smile, and her attitude toward life and this horrible disease. When we, as a foundation, present a donation we use a large check so we can write out who the donation is going to. Believe me it is very hard to walk around hundreds of people carrying this check and trying to keep the amount hidden. As halftime of the soccer game approached we made our way to sidelines close to mid-field. We continued to talk to Kim about her journey through this disease, I kept noticing one thing, she never stopped smiling. As the game clocked ticked down to zero we made our way onto the field along with 98 very young cheerleaders that had attended cheer camp at WCA that week. Mrs. Bordeaux took the microphone and began to tell everyone in attendance why we were all standing together. She told the large crowd about Kim and her fight and she told everyone about Lindsay and the foundation that bares her name. Next Joy Wade told what Going Beyond the Pink is all about, and then she turned to us to present the donation. As Kellie, Lindsay’s mom, and I turned the check around and held it for everyone to see every face began to light up with surprise. Not only were we there holding that check, but every single person that bought a raffle ticket, every sponsor, everyone that gave their time and money, everyone that bought a LMBF T-shirt or hat was there through their wonderful donations. Because of all the love and support we received this year the Lindsay M. Benton Foundation was able to present a check for $5,000.00 to this amazing young lady through Patriots in Pink. Kim J was still smiling and turned to me to say, “That is wonderful for the foundation and all the other patients.” I replied ” Ma’am this is all for you.” She still looked a little confused and still did not grasp that this entire day was for her. She did not know the check we were presenting, the T-shirt sales, the money taken up at the gate and all the other donations were for her. Joy turned to Kim and told her “All of this is for you Kim. You will not have to worry about paying your rent for a while, you will not have to worry if you have enough money for gas. You don’t have to stress about finances for a while, you can concentrate on healing.” After that statement, it sunk in, Kim J finally realized today was all about her. You could see the joy in her face, you could see the stress leave her body and you could see the tears begin to flow from her eyes. I know in my heart the school made the right choice by picking this humble young woman for its adopted patient this year. God bless you Kim J, continue smiling and continue fighting like a girl. Continue fighting each battle so in the end you can win the war.

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Shanda Bordeaux, Brad Benton, Kellie Ekstrom, Kim James, Joy Wade

 

This did not end the day for me personally. Remember the 98 very young cheerleaders that took the field at halftime? Well, along with these very young ladies were the Lady Patriot Cheer Squad. They, along with Coach Rickard, had been working with these young girls and now they were all on their knees leading these ladies in the cheers they had learned. As I sat watching all the parents, every one of them smiling as they waved to there little one’s, all could see was Lindsay. I could remember watching her sit on her knees leading the little ones. I can remember how she would smile as she worked with these aspiring future Lady Patriots. It brought a smile to my face, but it also brought a tear to my eye. As I sat and watched all the cheerleaders I took a peek to the heavens and gave Lindsay a quick wink because I knew she was right there watching every move they made. I hope she enjoyed watching and I hope she is proud of each of us for carrying on her name and her legacy.

I get asked questions all the time about Lindsay, starting a fund for cheer and art at WCA, starting a scholarship, starting the foundation, writing a blog, and now having a published book. There seems to always be, somewhere in the conversation, this common question, “Do you regret starting any of this? It has to make it difficult keeping Lindsay, and her passing at the forefront of your life on a daily basis?” The answer is always the same, “Absolutely not.” The reason why, because it is truly days like October 19, 2018 that make me know in the deepest part of my heart and soul that we are, doing the right thing. 

 

The pain is still the same…

The pain is still the same…

by bbenton1064 ♥ 2 Comments

As I sit in the lanai of my home looking out over the water and watching the sunrise I am thinking of the past two days and the people that have crossed my path. It is amazing how some days you can randomly meet people that touch your life and remind you that there is a purpose to the life you are living. On Friday, I had the honor of meeting a woman, that just two weeks earlier, lost her son. We meet through a vendor at our monthly market. The vendor approached myself and Kelli and told us about this women’s loss. Once she pointed her out I was hesitant to approach her because I know what she was feeling, I know the feeling of parental grief and all the pain that comes with it. I know what it is like to be in the middle of a hundreds of people and feel so alone. I know that sometimes you just want to be left alone and you don’t want to talk about your loss. After Kelli went up to her and she began talking, I also walked up to her and just stood there and listened for a moment. I heard that she was out with two of her friends and it was the first time she had left her home. I heard the pain and sorrow in her voice, a sound I so vividly remember. I was introduced to this lady and she began to tell me about her son, thirty three years old, and I told her about Lindsay. They were both donors and through their selflessness, they both saved lives. She had tears in her eyes as her sons death was still very fresh in her heart. I gave her a big hug and told her, “I have been right where you are today Sweetie. No matter the age the pain is still the same. We have just meet but now we are connected for life.” I continued to tell her even though we had just met,  if she ever needed me or just wanted to talk all she had to do was reach out. She asked if I knew of a group that she could attend, a support group of some type that would help her get through this very early days of grief. I highly recommended the group Compassionate Friends. I told her how much this group had help Lindsay’s mom. The support, the fellowship and the comradery they give truly helped, and still helps, Kellie through each day. She asked her friends to please remember and help her follow up on going to a meeting. As we parted ways I gave her one more hug and whispered in her ear, “Ma’am, time will ease the pain, but the hurt will always remain. Remember the good, concentrate on the happy, and always, always say his name.” Now with tears in both of our eyes we said goodbye, for now.

On Saturday, as I was standing in our space at the market when a short, small framed smiling red head came walking up, it was Ms. Jeanne Connolly. Jeanne has been our “go to” person with Carolina Donor Services and has always been a huge supporter of the Lindsay M. Benton Foundation. She always brings a breath of fresh air anywhere she goes. Jeanne has asked me to speak at a various venues telling Lindsay’s story and the donor family side of organ donation. Little did she know what an effect it would have on my grief recovery. Only a few moments later Mrs. Jill Helm came walking through our doors and she did not come alone. You see Jill is the recipient of one of Lindsay’s kidneys, and carries a very special part of our heart with her everyday. What a wonderful day seeing Jeanne and Jill at the same time.

I so often think of my grandparents, Frank and Maylor Gore along with my other grandma, Ethel Benton. My grandparents had a total of ten children, six sons and four daughters. Before my grandparents left this world at the ages of 89, 86 and 100 they lost a total of 4 children and two grandchildren. My grandparents Frank and Maylor lost three sons and two grandchildren, my grandma Ethel Benton lost a son and also her husband. The youngest son lost was 16 and the oldest was 58. The youngest grand child was 10 and the oldest was 39. I try sometimes to put my self in my grandfathers shoes, the loss of multiple children is unfathomable to me. We lost one, and I don’t know if I would make it through another.  I remember as a young child sitting at my grandmother’s house and just watching her sit, rock and cry. I could not understand why she was so upset, why she was so distraught, why she would not go to the funeral. After we lost Lindsay I understood completely. The grief of losing a child is indescribable, and the pain that fills your heart is immeasurable.

Death does not discriminate, it does not check birth certificates or drivers licenses, it does not know age at all. It does not look at color or nationality, it does not care about religion or any other beliefs. Death does not, never has or never will, follow any schedule. By the time you finish reading this blog, in the United States alone, two people per second have died, 105 people per minute have left this world and 6,316 people per hour have left loved ones behind. I can assure, you no matter the cause, no matter the reason, they did not choose death, death chose them. I am asking that when you finish reading this blog don’t procrastinate, use one of the many ways we communicate these days and tell someone you love them, tell someone you miss them, tell someone you care.