Tag: #longbeachny

A Visit

A Visit

by bbenton1064 ♥ 1 Comment

Sometimes I have a strong feeling, a feeling of needing to visit Lindsay.  A pulling to spend time with her, a time of solitude, a time of quietness, a time I can spend with her memory, just me and her. It is a feeling that does not go away until I stop and take the time for a visit.

I have come to realize over the past two years I don’t have to be by her side to do this. I don’t have to sit on her granite memorial bench and look at her bronze marker to be close to her. I know in my heart that the only thing I am visiting is her earthly shell, her earthly body and that is not what made Lindsay, Lindsay. What made Lindsay who she was, was her heart and soul, her attitude, her spirit, her presence, her commanding personality, none of that will ever be locked in a grave. I can walk out on the dock behind the house, where she and I hung lights for Christmas, and say, “Hello girl, I miss ya.” I can stand on top of Grandfather Mountain and remember when her and Jarrett would run across the bridge and I would say, “Be careful, stay together,” because I was too scared to cross that mile high swinger. If I needed to, I could stand in the middle of ten thousand people massed together in Time Square or sit in the quaint little restaurant called Bea at 403 W. 43rd Street and say, “Remember when? Remember when we were here? I sure wish you were here with me again.” I can sit in Magnolia’s Restaurant in Charleston, SC and hear someone order a grilled meatloaf sandwich or stand on Main Street USA in front of Cinderella’s Castle and remember the enchantment that filled a little girls eyes. From the boardwalk and jetty rocks of Long Beach NY to the boardwalk and jetty rocks of Carolina Beach NC she left a memory for me to treasure. So many memories buried like priceless pirates jewels on the shores of Long Beach NY to the Outer Banks, Wrightsville and Carolina Beaches, to the sandy shores of Holden and Myrtle Beach. From the North Carolina and Tennessee mountain tops to the streets of Disney, Brooklyn and home sweet home she left so many memories. She left so many places for me to visit her, so many places for me to feel her by my side, so many places for me to smile, so many thoughts to ponder. Where I feel closest to my Lindsay Lou is where ever I am. Wherever I am standing, wherever I am sitting, riding, flying. walking or driving. I know in my heart, she will always be with me just as I had planned to be with her, when I was gone from this earth, and she was fifty four years old planning a short, quiet, visit with her dad.

Where Would You Be Today?…

Where Would You Be Today?…

by bbenton1064 ♥ 3 Comments

Lindsay has been on my mind all week. I could see her in almost everything I was doing and everyplace I have been the past few days, and I could feel her as if she was right beside me. Why?

Kelli and I spent some time in Long Island NY this week with Alyssa, my step daughter, and her partner Liz. They are brand new home owners of a not so brand new, but very cozy, apartment in what they refer to as “Melrose Place.” I assume they tagged their complex with his name because of the age of everyone living there, the diversity of the occupants and of course, the drama.  These two young ladies took on the daunting task of renovations and survived it, for the most part, unscathed. They had a few rough rounds with a contractor, and I use that term loosely, that they hired, but in the end they were victorious. We made this journey for multiple reasons. It was Alyssa birthday and also Mothers Day. We were able to go out to dinner with a few of our friends and Kelli was able to see some of her family. For the most part Alyssa and Liz had asked us to come up and help them finish a few little projects. Well these few little projects ended up taking almost three days. It seemed that for every step forward, we took two steps back, back to Home Depot for more supplies. On our last full day there we were all waiting on the balcony, very anxiously, for the UPS driver to bring the last piece of the puzzle to complete these small projects. Once we had the missing hardware in our hands we made the final turn and headed down the home stretch for the finish line. At last projects complete, renovations complete, wife happy, step daughter happy, my job here was done. I truly enjoyed the time we spent with Alyssa and Liz this past week. I am very proud of them both for becoming homeowners, taking on this project and sticking it out when it seemed everything was against them. Congratulations ladies on a job well done!

I can’t help but to admit the whole time I was there I was wondering, as I do most days, where would you be today Lindsay? You see this same apartment was going to be Lindsay’s very short and temporary residence for her eighteenth birthday. One weekend in Long Beach, Long Island NY with her step sister. The plans were in place and all involved were on the same page for this all included birthday gift to one of Lindsay’s favorite places. As you know the gift was never unwrapped, the tickets were never purchased, and Lindsay didn’t make it to Long Beach this time. What if she had? Would she have fallen even more in love with it and after graduating high school moved into “Melrose Place” and started a life living on the beach in New York. Would I have been at her apartment working on projects for her this past week? Maybe I would have been at Chapel Hill or East Carolina loading up the truck as I emptied out a years worth of dorm room memories. Wait, maybe you would have stayed at home an gone to UNCW, a father can dream can’t he? Every day the thought runs through my head “Where would you be today?” Every day the thought “What would you be doing today?” sneaks into my thoughts. Would I be getting post cards from some far away exotic location where there is no phone service. Some place where you were working a photo shoot, either in front of or behind the camera. You had the talent and the beauty to do both. Would you have been with Heather in Charlotte this past week, would you have come back from Florida with Mary after spending some time with Mickey and Donald. Would you finally have had that dinner with Drew at Tower 7, the one you missed out on because of your accident.  Would you be hanging out with ya dad at Seaglass this weekend, I am guessing not. Would you be at the beach with your mom soaking up the sun with ya beach buddy? Would we plan on keeping the boat so you and your friends could ride up and down the waterway, docking and eating lunch with the “cool kids.” Would you continue “doing science projects” in the mud with Mary.  Would you be co staring in the film Jarrett and his friends from school are making? Would you and Jarrett realize that life is short and become the best friends a brother and sister could be. The thoughts are there every day, the wonder of your thoughts, the absents of your voice, the never again’s and the never to be’s. Would you have changed your mind about becoming a doctor? If so what path would you have set your life’s compass to follow? Maybe politics, you would have been one of the greatest with your out spoken opinions and head strong forward moving ideas for the rights of all. Your never being afraid to ask anybody, anything, at anytime to get the answer you were looking for. Would you have been a environmentalist? Your love of this earth we live on, and all that inhabit it, always astonished me. Married with children? I really think not, but you always did surprise me. The possibilities are never ending and the sky is only the beginning of trying to wonder where you would be today, what you would be doing today.

No matter where you would be today, no matter what you would be doing you would always be my little girl. No matter how successful, or not, I would have always been proud of you. No matter how big of a thorn in my side, I would have never pulled it out. No matter how long my sanity stays with me, I will never stop wondering, where would you be today?